The true self-help guide for life and success.

An archive for original pieces written by Linker's own members.

The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby DeceptaCon » Sat Mar 07, 2015 5:18 am

Rule 1. Remember life is energy so the more energy you can divert from other people the more energy you can obtain.

Rule 2. Money is all that matters, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Rule 3. If you ever find yourself in a survival situation never under any circumstances drink your own piss or anyone else's. I don't care how thirsty you get, is fucking piss for fucks sake, don't be that guy.

Rule 4. If you own a dog and you pick up it's shit when you are out walking it you are a disgusting human being and need to rethink your miserable life. Dog shit and piss is good for nature, a dog carefully decides which bushes, trees and patch of grass to piss or shit on. Your dog has a lifelong deal with nature and doesn't need your pansy ass fucking it up.

Rule 5. If you think your wife or girlfriend is cheating on you then she probably is so you will intern need do the same thing to her just to see if she suspects that you suspect her cheating and have decided also to cheat in order to see if your hunch was correct.

Rule 6. Never help stupid people, you have to remember some people are beyond your help and you need to let them learn on their own. The same goes with any person, nobody listens to anyone because everyone thinks they're right because their logic is based on previous experiences so why the fuck are you trying to help someone that only learns from their past experiences? You got to let that shit go it's in the past.

Rule 7. If a cat gets stuck in a tree for fuck's sake don't call the fire department or the police. How many fucking dead cats have you seen in trees? None because those motherfuckers are smart unlike your dumbass.

Rule 8. You know that fucking Stackers game at the arcade don't waste your money it's impossible to beat every time you get to the very top the last red square always jumps, fuck that game and the line up the key game too.

Rule 9. When you order fast food keep it simple, don't get particular with your order it's fucking fast food they are just going too fuck it up that much more, don't make it worse than it needs to be for you or the already miserable workers.

Rule 10. There are no rules in life and we are all fucked so just try your best to minimize all the life giving ass fuckings or you might have the life literally fucked out of your ass.
B-enjamen
Alexander Volkov, Ilir Latifi, Uriah Hall, David Branch 
Image
Are you ready for the last great deception?
User avatar
DeceptaCon
4th Professional Linker Victory
4th Professional Linker Victory
 
Posts: 11749
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:33 pm
Location: Stalking Ker in the Mall of Germany
Accolades: Pillar of Linker
Feb. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion, Sep. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion

Re: The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby The Smurf » Sat Mar 07, 2015 8:46 am

DeceptaCon wrote:Rule 1. Remember life is energy so the more energy you can divert from other people the more energy you can obtain.

Rule 2. Money is all that matters, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Rule 3. If you ever find yourself in a survival situation never under any circumstances drink your own piss or anyone else's. I don't care how thirsty you get, is fucking piss for fucks sake, don't be that guy.

Rule 4. If you own a dog and you pick up it's shit when you are out walking it you are a disgusting human being and need to rethink your miserable life. Dog shit and piss is good for nature, a dog carefully decides which bushes, trees and patch of grass to piss or shit on. Your dog has a lifelong deal with nature and doesn't need your pansy ass fucking it up.

Rule 5. If you think your wife or girlfriend is cheating on you then she probably is so you will intern need do the same thing to her just to see if she suspects that you suspect her cheating and have decided also to cheat in order to see if your hunch was correct.

Rule 6. Never help stupid people, you have to remember some people are beyond your help and you need to let them learn on their own. The same goes with any person, nobody listens to anyone because everyone thinks they're right because their logic is based on previous experiences so why the fuck are you trying to help someone that only learns from their past experiences? You got to let that shit go it's in the past.

Rule 7. If a cat gets stuck in a tree for fuck's sake don't call the fire department or the police. How many fucking dead cats have you seen in trees? None because those motherfuckers are smart unlike your dumbass.

Rule 8. You know that fucking Stackers game at the arcade don't waste your money it's impossible to beat every time you get to the very top the last red square always jumps, fuck that game and the line up the key game too.

Rule 9. When you order fast food keep it simple, don't get particular with your order it's fucking fast food they are just going too fuck it up that much more, don't make it worse than it needs to be for you or the already miserable workers.

Rule 10. There are no rules in life and we are all fucked so just try your best to minimize all the life giving ass fuckings or you might have the life literally fucked out of your ass.



Hameen brother
The Smurf
 

Re: The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby DeceptaCon » Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:51 am

Rule 11. Never start a player in fantasy football that is playing on a Thursday night game, they are fucking tired and don't want to be there, its pointless and Fuck Roger Goodell. Players only get up for prime time games on Sunday night or Monday night games, Thursday night games are almost like London games also equally as fucking retarded, no one likes American football across the pond its about real futeball, nobody says soccer btw anymore so quit saying that term.

Rule 12. Don't ever put ketchup on your hot dog, just don't do it, if I have to tell you why then you probably like mayonnaise too don't you? You fat piggilly bastard you do don't you? You probably put so much motherfucking mayonnaise on your turkey sandwich that it probably sticks to the roof of your fat fucking mouth you gross motherfucker.
B-enjamen
Alexander Volkov, Ilir Latifi, Uriah Hall, David Branch 
Image
Are you ready for the last great deception?
User avatar
DeceptaCon
4th Professional Linker Victory
4th Professional Linker Victory
 
Posts: 11749
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:33 pm
Location: Stalking Ker in the Mall of Germany
Accolades: Pillar of Linker
Feb. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion, Sep. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion

Re: The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby DeceptaCon » Mon Mar 14, 2016 9:54 pm

Rule 13. Never assume people are like you, do not seek out like-minded individuals to "hang" with. if you do find someone just like you then you will probably hate that person just as much as yourself or much more because you don't realize they are just like you.

Rule 14. You don't always have to finish your meal just because you ordered out or you are in a restaurant. It's OK to waste food in these circumstances. Sometimes we over eat to justify paying the high food prices so we gorge ourselves into oblivion so as not to feel wasteful, throw the fucking food in the garbage. You can't feed the starving children of 3rd world countries with your left over restaurant entree'.

Rule 15. Never buy a boat unless you live on the water or else you will have a yard with a fucking boat parked in it all year around like a jackass.
B-enjamen
Alexander Volkov, Ilir Latifi, Uriah Hall, David Branch 
Image
Are you ready for the last great deception?
User avatar
DeceptaCon
4th Professional Linker Victory
4th Professional Linker Victory
 
Posts: 11749
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:33 pm
Location: Stalking Ker in the Mall of Germany
Accolades: Pillar of Linker
Feb. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion, Sep. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion

Re: The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby The Smurf » Sun Mar 20, 2016 3:57 pm

DeceptaCon wrote:
Rule 14. You don't always have to finish your meal just because you ordered out or you are in a restaurant. It's OK to waste food in these circumstances. Sometimes we over eat to justify paying the high food prices so we gorge ourselves into oblivion so as not to feel wasteful, throw the fucking food in the garbage. You can't feed the starving children of 3rd world countries with your left over restaurant entree'.
.



I dont agree.. I either finish it or ask for a box to put my food in. I paid for those fuckers. F U restaurant people. U overcharged me and i aint paying another penny for food that day. u get me, blood?

u get taht food home. And u will be giving them a proper stare as well when saying so. They 'd better fucking bring everything u need. Cause u havent paid yet.. And they want some of that good old tip.. dont they..?
The Smurf
 

Re: The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby DeceptaCon » Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:18 pm

The Smurf wrote:
DeceptaCon wrote:
Rule 14. You don't always have to finish your meal just because you ordered out or you are in a restaurant. It's OK to waste food in these circumstances. Sometimes we over eat to justify paying the high food prices so we gorge ourselves into oblivion so as not to feel wasteful, throw the fucking food in the garbage. You can't feed the starving children of 3rd world countries with your left over restaurant entree'.
.



I dont agree.. I either finish it or ask for a box to put my food in. I paid for those fuckers. F U restaurant people. U overcharged me and i aint paying another penny for food that day. u get me, blood?

u get taht food home. And u will be giving them a proper stare as well when saying so. They 'd better fucking bring everything u need. Cause u havent paid yet.. And they want some of that good old tip.. dont they..?

:lol: :lol:

Rule 16. NEVER, I MEAN NEVER talk politics with anyone ever, it doesn't matter what you say. For some reason once people have taken a political stance they are like retarded fucking zombie dogs in heat, nothing can change their political views not even if their canidate is a murderous fucking demon spawned lesbian lying clit licker or a bloated orange semi-celebrity in debt bankrupt "business man" who is being controlled by an autistic freak with rosacea hell bent on establishing an 80's style golden era filled with recycled world players. It is easier to change someone's views on religion than it is with politics, don't ask me why? When people consider themselves political its like when someone asks you what would you like for dinner and you tell them "How about shrimp and pasta" and they respond "FUCK YOU EAT THIS FUCKING HOTDOG YOU STUPID FUCK FATSO INBRED POS!" Afterwards they can't understand for the life of them why you don't like hotdogs.

Rule 17. When you get over the age of 30 quit eating like a kid, your body doesn't burn that shit off anymore and you literally turn into a walking shit vessel constantly rotting from the inside due to all of the rancid meat/potatoes and bread you have consumed. Stop it! Unless you are a fucking Lumber Jack and burn 8000 calories by mid morning quit eating fucking fast food combos and snacking on carrot cores disguised as baby carrots constantly dipping them in ranch like a disgusting half pig sterile hybrid human being. Its time to eat fruit and vegetables again before you die on the toilet trying to shit out a 12 day old petrified turd.
B-enjamen
Alexander Volkov, Ilir Latifi, Uriah Hall, David Branch 
Image
Are you ready for the last great deception?
User avatar
DeceptaCon
4th Professional Linker Victory
4th Professional Linker Victory
 
Posts: 11749
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:33 pm
Location: Stalking Ker in the Mall of Germany
Accolades: Pillar of Linker
Feb. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion, Sep. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion

Re: The true self-help guide for life and success.

Postby DeceptaCon » Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:33 pm

B-enjamen
Alexander Volkov, Ilir Latifi, Uriah Hall, David Branch 
Image
Are you ready for the last great deception?
User avatar
DeceptaCon
4th Professional Linker Victory
4th Professional Linker Victory
 
Posts: 11749
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:33 pm
Location: Stalking Ker in the Mall of Germany
Accolades: Pillar of Linker
Feb. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion, Sep. 2016 MMALinker Fantasy C-League Champion