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Morning Report: Nick Diaz vs. Georges St-Pierre, or, the 45-minute conference call that sold UFC 158

Someone out there needs to somehow create a metric to measure how many buys a specific media appearance generated towards a UFC pay-per-view. Because if that metric existed, Thursday’s UFC 158 conference call may have shattered the record. The entire audio of the call can below found below in the Stew, and believe me, it’s gold. Though I’ve also transcribed several of the more entertaining sections for your convenience. To start, you just knew we had something special on our hands when the call kicked off with this gem of an exchange. Dana White: Hello, everybody. Thanks for calling in. We appreciate it very much for your time. And I don’t think there’s any shocker, we’re looking for Nick Diaz. We can’t find him, but as soon as we do, we’ll get him on the call. (Instantly) Diaz: Hello? … (mutters) F–ker … Can you hear me? Yeah, hello? After some opening pleasantries, including Carlos Condit’s only appearance on the call, St-Pierre was asked for his thoughts on the #GSPsdarkplace meme that has kicked around Twitter for the past week. St-Pierre: I have not seen it. I never tweet once in my life. I have people doing it for me and posting the stuff for me. I’m not into the social media at all. (Diaz is asked for his thoughts.) Diaz: I don’t know why he’s acting up. I think he should just be himself and do his thing. He wants to come all up from the dark side on this one? I don’t understand it. I really don’t. I don’t care. I’m not told about how they’re going to portray me or him. They don’t give me any, like, ideas or plans on how they’re going to do some sort of a build-up, or Primetime, or if they’re going to do it, or if they’re not going to do it. I’m not sitting around planning how I’m going to act or how I’m going to come off. Oh, I better say something intimidating, or I better talk this s–t or that s–t. I just got to do what I got to do. So I don’t know what he’s going through with the whole dark side, or where he comes from, or wherever. I know where the f–k I come from. I don’t have to dredge up some bulls–t to get everybody excited. (Minutes later.) Diaz: Me and Georges St-Pierre, we’re a lot different. For me, I look past every opponent because I’m not looking at just one obstacle. I think for me, it’s easier to deal with when I accept the fact that I’m never going to get out of this. There’s always, it’s not just a fight, it’s fighters. So I look past every opponent to get to the No. 1 spot of the welterweight division, and I look past that, I look further beyond that. If it were up to me, I would take that fight with Anderson Silva. I would say, ‘Yeah, of course.’ I’m looking forward to the next best thing, always, and the next best thing is always the closer fight to the No. 1 fight, and that’s what I’ve been working toward this whole time. I’d have to take a long hard look, but if I had that option available to me, I would be honored to be in that position, and I would be gratefully accepting of that position or fight, if you will, with the ”Ëœ85-pound champion or the 155-pound champion. I would take either fight, and I think I could beat either guy. I’d like to be the guy to win a title at both weights. I’d like to be a runner-up in the pound-for-pound rankings. That’s the No. 1 goal, aside from the No. 1 ranking in the welterweight division. (Diaz is then asked if he really hates doing media. Even though he is quite good at it, I might add.) Diaz: I like [doing media] just fine. I just like to know about it. I don’t mind if there’s a camera crew sitting in the backseat of my car. I could give a s–t. I just don’t like what I’m not ready for. I don’t know about it, you know? You got Georges, you got someone over there powdering his nose out and they are going to send him off for a video shoot. He’s got someone making a Twitter for him. Now he don’t even know how to talk and don’t even know how to act right. He’s got people living his life for him in the open, out in the public. Like, my life’s a mess. I’m not afraid to admit it. I work hard, regardless, through this s–t. But I don’t have people toweling me off and handing me water bottles left and right, and getting my training ready for me and getting my s–t ready. I got to do all that s–t on my own. I don’t have people sending tweets out for me. I don’t have people taking care of my money, or financial tax obligations, or whatever. All that stuff that’s important, that people don’t want to talk about. Yeah, I’m pretty f–ked there because I am too busy fighting all your fights. I’m too busy entertaining all the fans. I don’t see anybody else bringing s–t to the table. Everybody wants to be like GSP. Everybody wants to be strong and they want to have that fitness. They want to just overcome that technical aspect by being stronger, more explosive, quicker, beating you to the punch when it comes to sparring in five minutes. It’s just, it’s really not what martial arts is about. This is mixed martial arts, and that’s what we should…

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