(You are a great champion and you hit like a girl. I want to retire and I want a rematch.) Before the judges’ decision for UFC 158’s main event between Georges St. Pierre and Nick Diaz was even announced, Diaz walked over to the man he’d been taunting for years and raised the champion’s hand. It was a far cry from the head games Diaz had been playing with Georges – calling him a coward, accusing him of using steroids, taking swings at him after a round bell, etc. – and St. Pierre returned the gesture of respect in his post-fight comments in the ring to interviewer Joe Rogan. It did not take long, however, for Diaz to once more insult St. Pierre, at the post event press conference. He hits like a woman, a battered Diaz told the assembled media. He has his full on range to separate and punch me, but he hits like a girl because he’s too scared to let go to get a real punch in…Five rounds woke me up, I’m ready to fight. We’re not sure how Diaz’ buddy Ronda Rousey would feel about him using the female tag as an insult, but she’d probably advise the challenger to make sure he’s ready at the opening bell next time, instead of after twenty five minutes in. That is, anyway, if Diaz ever even fights again. The veteran re-stated his interest in retiring from the sport he’s competed in professionally since adolescence. I’m trying to retire, Diaz said. I’m trying to get out of this gig, but I would love a rematch. I think I could beat you. I really do, I think I could beat him. I think I could stop the take downs for the first two rounds and get to fight my whole fight and I think I could beat you. UFC President Dana White was succinct in shutting down any notion of an immediate title shot for Diaz. He wouldn’t get a rematch off that fight, White said. Johny Hendricks deserves the next shot. White also had some advice for Diaz after another strange admission from the California resident. Nick Diaz told the media that he has never paid taxes in his life and that he expects to go to prison for it. I’ve never paid taxes in my life, Diaz revealed. I’m probably going to go to jail. And no one wants to hear that kind of talk and what’s going on with me. I might as well just be a kid. I’ve had fight after fight after fight after fight, and you don’t know what that does to somebody who didn’t graduate high school. Holy sh_t. That’s sad, White said of Diaz’ admission. You wanna talk about sad? That’s sad. Somebody better handle that with this check and make sure that kid doesn’t end up with nothing. Diaz’ manager Cesar Gracie should add getting his client to pay his taxes to the long list of things he should be doing as a part of his job, along with getting him to show up to contractually obligated events. Oh yeah, Diaz said he slept until 8pm the day of the event and criticized his coaching and teammates as absent and negligent. Craziness. Anyway, check out video of the full press conference after the jump to get your share of Diaz excuses, Diaz praising St. Pierre, Diaz insulting St. Pierre, and much more.